Death to a Fallen Angel
by Unknown-RoxasXIII
Summary: Roxas was just now getting use to his ex-boyfriend, Lea, being dead but when another character, Axel, comes to his life, Angels and Devils become his main priority and is now forced to ignore the love he longs from Axel-AU Akuroku Lemon in later chapter
1. Prologue

**Death to a Fallen Angel**

**Prologue:**

Everyone has had that thought of where they would go when they're dead. Some say Heaven, others say Hell, but some say nowhere. Most begin to think that they would just live in darkness forever and never find the light they were taught when young. But what they don't know is it's your choice on where to go.

When you're young, you believe someone else makes that choice for you. They judge you for what you've done in the past or what you will do in the future. But why let them choose? Wasn't it our parents that said we have free will? Wasn't it us who fought against the lies others had made?

You are the one that runs your life and in that life you must make your own decision's and not let anyone else control you. Either in love or hate your heart speaks what its wants and gives your soul the power to live.

Then why is it then everyone forgets that? Is it because of friends, the bad things that occur to us and bring us to misery? Or is it because we all experience one thing that changes our thoughts on our lives, love?

The one word that brings us to our knees and makes us forgets our past faults. The word that chooses our future and make the decisions for us. The word that makes us wonder who we are and what we are inside. The word that brings us to our end.

That one word does many things to us. It kills us, tortures us till we rot, enlightens us, embraces us into feelings we can't explain. But the one thing it does to us that no one has ever seen, it makes us fall.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Memories of Forsaken Lies**

"_Don't worry; when I leave I'll come back….I promise."_

His final words echoed in my head in agony. The tone he had when making that promise was true, thoughtful, and sincere. But it was all a lie. It's been three years sense he said those words and left me, and yet, I still feel he's going to return. But I know he will not ever come back.

"Mr. Knight!" My train of thought was snapped as my last name was announced.

"Y-yes sir," I looked away from where I was previously staring at and looked up at my teacher who stood before me with a hand on my desk and him leaned forward with a glare placed on his face.

"You haven't stopped staring out the window for the past fifteen minutes!" He growled. "Is your girlfriend out there in a bikini or something?"

I heard the entire class start to laugh and giggle at my teacher's, Mr. Strife, comment. My face grew hot and a blush was painted on my face.

"Sora," Mr. Strife looked over to the brunette that sat beside. "Who you please make sure blondie here, stays on task?"

Sora's blue eyes glistened with pride and he nodded in reply. "Yes sir, I'll make sure he pays attention." The brunette saluted to the teacher and looked over to me with a grin.

"Good, now where were we?" Mr. Strife's voice eased down when a groan escaped my throat.

"Oh, looks like our teachers pet is having an off day." Sora whispered still grinning at me.

I didn't want to look at Sora and only looked down at the black science table we sat at. He was right, usually I was the first one to answer one of the questions Mr. Strife had given us but today, my mind was stuck on one thing and one thing only: Lea, my ex-boyfriend.

Today was the third year anniversary of Lea's death. But he didn't die because of murder or a medical situation, he had committed suicide. No one knew why he had, but I had my own theory. Lea's older brother, Reno, had begun to rape him when he turned thirteen and Lea couldn't fight it any longer and ended his suffering.

Sora, my best friend that I had known sense I was born, had found Lea when he and his older brother, Leon, had gone to visit Reno. Sora knew I would take it hard and didn't call me till they took him to the hospital and was told Lea didn't make it.

"Is because of-" Sora was stopped when Mr. Strife slapped his meter stick against the chalk board.

"Sora Tatum," The teacher began. "If making sure Roxas stays on task is too much trouble then why don't you go and sit with the principle instead."

Sora nervously shook his head side to side making his spiked brown hair go a bit frizzy. Sora placed his hands on his lap innocently and watched for the teacher to turn back to the board before pulling out a piece of paper and a pencil.

I looked back out the window beside me to see the sun was now lowering below the buildings outside and creating shadows along the school ground. Some of the sun had begun to shine in my royal blue eyes and made a black sport appear in the corner of my eyes.

Suddenly a nudge to my arm made my gaze turn back to Sora. Sora had been looking at the teacher like he didn't do anything but I looked down at my arm and saw the paper he had had been written on.

I looked up to make sure the teacher was looking before pulling the paper in front of me and see what he wrote. I gave the teacher a final and saw what he wrote.

'_Is it because of Lea?'_ Sora's writing was pretty sloppy, in my opinion, but sense I had been almost living on his handwriting I had gotten used to it to where I am able to read it.

'_What do you think? TT^TT…..' _I wrote back before passing it to him.

He read it then looked at me with a sympathetic look. My face dropped as I looked away and back out the window. Everyone had seen how hard I had taken Lea's death but none had any idea on how to help me. Even my brother and sister didn't know what to do until they found me trying to slit my wrist.

After that day I had begun to go to a council and had started to become an outsider to the group. Sora had felt a bit hurt by the way I wouldn't talk to anyone but he and everyone else knew I had to have some time alone.

'_Meet me at my locker after class.' _Sora wrote before starting to write the notes Mr. Strife had told us to do.

Before class came to an end the teacher had given us some free time and my mood didn't dare change and stayed at its usual depressed stage. Sora had gone to talk to his friend, Riku, for a few minutes while I was left talking to my friends, Hayner, Pence, and Olette. I'm not complaining or anything but they were…different from me. They were more of the outgoing kind and weren't afraid to stand out type.

"So, I heard Seifer got detention today." Olette began as she sat on the desk next to Pence. Olette was the yearbook writer in our group and had been the one that followed _everything _that goes on in the school. Like Sora, she had chocolate brown hair and wore it to be split into two pieces and hang on her shoulders. But she had deep green eyes that seemed to fit her very well.

"Ha! Serves him right," Hayner laughed crossing his arms and puffing out his chest. Hayner was the athletic one of us. He had been on the baseball team and was always the first picked when it came to dodge ball, lucky. Hayner's hair was like mine but it was a lighter blonde and it was more spiked up like how some bad boy would wear.

"Yeah but sadly the baseball coach was okay with it, remember." Pence said chewing on an ice cream stick in his mouth. Pence was the eater, he ate almost anything we forced at him. He was a bit bigger than us but he never cared. Pence had jet black hair that stuck up in the air and was held up by a headband he got when he was in sixth grade.

I watched as the three laughed and joked around about stupid stuff in class. My eyes had wondered off to Sora who too looked happy talking with Riku. Why was I the only one that still seemed depressed about Lea? Was he not important to them? Or were they just trying to make me feel better by not hiding their sadness.

Before I could say anything to Hayner the bell had rung and everyone had begun to exit out the room. Sora and Riku did their secret handshake they had made in eighth grade as Sora walked over to me still giggling about something Riku had said.

"See ya Roxas," Olette waved before the three left.

"Hey," Sora greeted. I didn't reply to him and only nodded still having my head stuck on Lea. "wanna come over and study together?" He asked.

I thought about for a few second then shrugged. "Sure I guess…." My voice was more of a whisper but Sora knew I was still depressed.

"'Kay, meet me at my locker?" He smiled.

I nodded back to him before walking away and to my locker. Luckily mostly everyone was gone or off to the side so it was easy for me to dodge most of the students that walked in front of me or past me. I kept my head down the entire time and tried hard to hold back my tears.

"Oh Roxas," Someone called from the side.

I stopped and looked over to see my twin brother, Ventus standing at his locker with his friends, Terra and Aqua. Ventus looked exactly like me sense we were identical twins. Ventus had golden hair that was styled the same was like mine which was a side spike. His eyes were a royal blue but, unlike mine, they had a green outline around them.

I waved to him nervously as he rushed over to me. "Hey I'm going to stay over at Terra's tonight and I was hoping you could let me borrow your phone so I can call mom and tell her?" Ventus, who everyone calls Ven for short, pleaded.

I rolled my eyes with a sigh. I was slightly glad he didn't see how bad I was feeling but I was a bit sad that he too wasn't feeling bad about Lea. Seeing how he was the one that introduced me to Lea I would expect him to be more devastated then I am.

"Sure but you need to quit being a pussy and ask mom for a phone!" I growled pulling out my phone and slapping it into his hand.

Ven's eye brow rose. "I'm the pussy?"

After he called mom and told her he was gonna be back in the morning I took the phone and told her I would be going to Sora's to study. Of course like the kind-hearted mom I know I have, she said that it was alright with her. My mom too was a bit depressed today sense she happened to be Lea's moms best friend and was there when Lea was born.

When I got to my locker I had put up some of my textbooks up and grabbed my notebooks I had for other class. But my eyes wonder to the locker door where a picture of me and Lea was placed there. I remember I had taken that picture when we first entered sixth grade. He had looked perfect back then. His hair was still his perfect red and was perfectly spiked up and out of his face. His eyes were still their enlightening emerald green and his lips were still in their happy smile.

Tears had begun to well up in my eyes and my chest begun to tighten. I hid my face in my locker so no one would see and wiped away the tears that began to fall down my cheeks. Why did he have to go? Why did he have to lie and leave me alone?

"Big brother?" A familiar gentle voice called from his side. I got scared to see who it was and wiped away the tears and looked over to the voice.

There, stood my little sister, Naminé holding a star shaped luck charm in her hand with a sad frown on her face.

"Yes Naminé," I made sure I wasn't crying any longer and smiled at her. Naminé was a very emotional girl unlike most girls and she hated to see me sad. When she had found me trying to cut myself she literally went into a motherly instinct and held me all night, crying.

"I was wondering if you'd seen Kairi today." Naminé looked down at her luck charm.

Kairi, Lea's younger sister. Sense Lea's death she had blamed herself for his death and had gone into a protective state over Naminé sense the two were like sisters. Kairi also went into a tomboy stage and had begun to get into more fights and started to act more of a boy then a girly girl. Even one year she dyed her hair black and got her bellybutton pierced.

"Sorry Nami," I scratched the back of my head nervously. "I hadn't seen Kairi all day; I think she might have stayed home."

Naminé sighed and let her arms drop to her sides. I knew Naminé was worried about Kairi but to me she seemed a bit too worried. I believe Kairi was better than to let Reno do anything to her and I also believe that she was strong enough to not kill herself. But I used to think the same thing about Lea….guess I was wrong.

"Oh okay…." Naminé frowned. "Well I'll see you when I get home."

Naminé leaned forward and kissed my cheek before waving to me and leaving. I hated to see Naminé so sad but then again it was vice versa for her. To me she was my second mother (my second mother is younger than me…weird) and she was always going to be here for me no matter how bad things get.

Once I was done at my locker I had meet Sora at his. Again, I caught him talking to Riku. Now and days, that was the only time I saw Sora; with Riku. I'm not saying that I hate Riku and am jealous of him or anything, but every time I wanted to hang out with Sora Riku hasn't be in the way.

Riku was a year older than us and is the head of the football team. To me it wasn't anything to brag about but of course it's what Sora loves the most about him. Riku's hair was the thing that threw me off entirely, it was a silver/gray and it made him look like an old man. His eyes were a light blue which made him look like a blind person.

Sora turned to me and waved as Riku walked away. I gave Riku a slight glare, seeing how his back was turned to me and mentally flipped him off.

"Hey Rox," I looked back and saw Sora was now standing right in front of me still smiling. "Are you feeling any better?" He asked.

I saw how happy Sora had been and knowing myself, I was too good of a person to see someone hurt and nodded. "Yeah I'm feeling much better," I lied.

Sora's smile widened. "Good then let's head out." He said before beginning to march down the hall and starting to ramble on about his day.

I didn't bother listening to Sora sense I already heard how his day went in Lunch and let my mind drift off into a memory I had of me and Lea.

"_So I was thinking maybe me and you could go and hang out at the beach next weekend." Lea smiled as he curled his arm around my shoulder and walked beside me with his hip against mine._

_I smiled at him and grabbed his hand. "What you mean like a date?" I looked over and saw some guys glaring at us and I immediately knew what Lea was thinking._

_Lea's eyes looked down to mine. "Only if you want it to be a date," _

_I looked up and into his eyes and suddenly became mesmerized. I loved his eyes; they were one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. Somehow they always made me stop and stare and think about what it would be like in the future for us._

_I had forgotten what he had said and only laughed to hide the embarrassment. Honestly, every time I had gazed into his eyes I had forgotten everything and only remembered whose eyes they belong to._

"_So, how are Ventus and Naminé doing?" He asked looking away so I could remember what to say._

"_They're doing good, Naminé just started sixth grade so I'm sure she's fitting in well." I smiled._

"_Same with Kairi, but she said some guy named Bryan has started to tease her and, what I think is funny, she asked me to beat him up for her." He laughed._

_I loved how our little sister's always came to get help from us. But it always made me laugh when Kairi was teased by boys when she should be taking them as complement. Most of the boys were saying she had to bright of hair and that she had dyed it when her family runs with redheads like mines runs with blonds._

_As we walked outside I looked over and saw Sora and Riku were sitting on the stairs talking side by side. The two looked to be flirting but they also looked to be talking about math or something. But I already knew Sora hated to talk about school period and he wasn't all the good at flirting._

"_Hey lovebirds," Sora chirped looking back at me and Lea._

_I glared at Sora for his nickname and stuck my tongue out at him. "Ah Sora, you're not jealous are you?" Lea grinned._

_Sora's face dropped as Riku laughed and the two stood up. "Oh shut up Lea!" Sora snarled._

_I giggled slightly before pulling myself out from under his arm. "So Sora," My hand swung back behind me and I skipped over to him. "Are you and Riku going out?"_

"_WHAT!" Sora and Riku jumped. "No, no, no, no, you got that all wrong we're just-"_

_I laughed. "Just kidding, just kidding, I know you two are just friends and Riku you're straight and don't like guys."_

_Riku nodded and crossed his arms. "And besides we were just talking about going to the beach on Saturday."_

"_Hm, strange so where we," Lea wrapped his arm around my neck again and out his hand on his hip._

"_Cool then maybe we can all go together." Sora jumped._

"Roxas," A voice called upon the memory that flew past my vision.

"Hm?" I looked up and saw me and Sora were already in front of his house. Sora stood in front of me with a nervous look on his face and his eyes were shining in worry.

"Are you sure you're okay? You look a bit pale and you seem a bit surprised." Sora put the back of his hand on my head and looked into my eyes. "Do you have a fever?"

Yeah, Sora I have a fever….over Lea. "No I'm alright…." Then I had started to think of Lea again. I started to think of what today was and when this day happened.

"Okay…if you're sure," Sora pulled his hand away and turned to walk inside. At that moment Sora had changed into Lea and unwillingly I reached forward and gripped his head. Lea had turned to me but he changed back into Sora. "R-Roxas…."

I didn't let go of his hand until I was on the bridge of tears. My legs had felt weak and my chest was so tight I could hear my own heartbeat and my blood rushing through my ears.

'_Don't worry; when I leave, I'll come back….I promise."_ Liar!

"Sora…." Then my legs had finally given up and I fell down to my knees with tears falling from my eyes and touching the concrete. I heard Sora gasped and felt him kneel before me while grabbing my hand that held his.

"Roxas…." He tried to look into my eyes but my blonde bangs denied the look.

"Sora…I want to see him…" I whispered. I knew that had confused Sora by how he didn't respond and I repeated myself. "Sora I want to go so him….I want to be held by him….to be embraced by him….to cry with him….I want him!" I tried to force myself to say Lea's name but my lips denied it.

"Roxas…." Sora was obviously heartbroken by my pathetic pleads. "Lea isn't here anymore….he is in a better place now."

"B-But…" I stuttered. "I want to see him…one last time."

Sora pulled me into a hug and rubs my back trying to calm me down. "Roxas….why don't we go visit him. Or let's go visit Kairi and go take her to go see him."

My heart stopped when he spoke those words. But it was what I wanted….to go see him one last time. I wanted to go and see his grave one last time this year and get to say my rightful goodbyes. Tell him everything that has happened sense the last time I had seen him.

And have the chance to tell him I love him.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Feathers of the Fire**

It's been two years, two years, sense I first went there and have regretted it ever sense. It's always been a nightmare of mine to go there because of finding that someone I love or someone I know has pasted. Now, someone I know is gone and he'll never return like he promised he would.

Sora didn't hesitate to take me to Kairi's house but he sadly had to call my sister and brother. Great, mother Naminé has returned! I tried and tell him to not call her but of course I was too sad to say the words and they were caught in my throat the entire time. Ventus had gone into _his_ brotherly stage and tried to give me some words of wisdom to cheer me up but it didn't help one bit.

Once we had gotten to Kairi's we saw she had been fine and, luckily, Reno wasn't home so she was fine. Naminé told us she told her that Kairi just was upset about Lea not being there so she stayed home. Kairi talked as though she was alright but knowing her and how upset she could get over something as important as her own brother.

"So Kairi, what are you gonna plan on saying to Lea?" Naminé asked as we all sat on Kairi's porch waiting for Riku to come.

"Well…" Kairi scratched her chin and looked away for a second, letting her dark red hair fall in front of her face. "I really want to tell him I'm sorry and how things have been going on around town. I'm sure he'd love to hear how everyone is doing."

Everyone nodded happily at Kairi's words, all but me. I had sat away from everyone and instead sat at the corner of the porch huddled up in a ball. Sora glanced at me once in a while but my mind wasn't at all focused on what they were doing. It was only focused on Lea and on what I was supposed to say to Lea.

There were so many things I wanted to say to Lea so badly but I could never put them in words nor did I have the guts to say them. I'd always considered myself a wimp because of it but then again I had never been brave enough to say my feelings out loud. In fact, it was Lea who confessed his love first and kissed me first instead of vice versa.

"Roxas," A gentle hand was placed on my shoulder but I didn't dare move away or look up to the owner of the hand. Just by the feeling of it I knew it was Naminé's hand but even so I didn't look at her afraid to see her sympathetic look she'd give causing me to burst into tears.

"Don't worry I'm sure you'll feel a lot better when this is all over." Naminé whispered trying not to make her voice sound loud and trying to not frighten me.

I shut my eyes trying hard to not think about the things that were running through my head and pulled my legs closer to my body with my head now in-between my knees.

"_So Lea," I began as my eyes wondered off to a star that outshone the others around it. My head was comfortably set on Lea's shoulder with my body on his and in between his legs while we lay on my hammock my mother had just gotten._

"_Hm," The redhead looked down at me with a bright and gentle smile on his lips. I couldn't help but want to touch those lips and think of kissing him but by instinct I blushed and looked away._

"_Did you use to date anyone before me?" I asked. Honestly I was concerned about him dating anyone else before me but I did want to know so I could know him more._

_I heard Lea huff a laughed before he set his chin on my head while wrapping his arms around my waist. I loved the feeling of his skin on mine and couldn't help but ease into his touch. "I hadn't really dated anyone but this one boy."_

"_Who?" I asked lifting my head to look at him._

"_Do you remember the boy Isa, the one who went crazy and killed seven people before being killed by the police?" Lea's voice was soft but it was serious._

"_Yeah I remember him, he was a bit crazy huh?" I laughed which I had hoped it would make him laugh as well but I got no response from him._

"_Yeah he was crazy….for me." I looked up when his voice had lowered into a sad tone. "I had dated him but left him the day he had tried to kiss me. When he tried to kiss me…it wasn't gentle nor was a passionate kiss, but a forceful one."_

'Reno….it was Reno's fault Lea didn't kiss Isa back.'

"_But it wasn't because of what Reno did to me that I didn't kiss him back." The redhead almost sounded as though he had listened to my thoughts. "It was because once someone had teased me for dating him and Isa had revealed how crazy he really was. He tried to kill the guy in the middle of the hallway…and I couldn't do anything about it."_

"_So…that night you broke up with him?"_

_Lea shook his head. "To save the trouble of having second thoughts I broke up with him the next night. I ignored him all day so he wouldn't make me rethink anything and had Kairi tell him I just wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone."_

_Suddenly without warning Lea had intertwine our fingers together and pulled it up to his lips. I blushed deeply when I felt the light peck of his lips on my skin. I squeaked in my throat which I knew he heard by the way he laughed._

"_But that's all in the past," He made a quick movement and pulled my body up higher to where my but was now on top of his crotch. "I have my new angel and this one won't be leaving anytime soon, right?"_

_I looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah, I'm yours and that's final."_

"Oh Riku's here," Sora's voice awoke me from my memory when I heard everyone stand up. I only barely lifted my head from my knees and saw Riku standing in front of his silver F150 he had borrowed from his dad.

"Roxas come on," I looked back and saw Kairi leaned forward with a smile on her face obviously trying to hide her sadness, unlike me. "Let's go see him."

I looked at her for a second then nodded with a weak yet fake nod before standing up. I looked up and saw Sora already talking to Riku and getting in the car while Ventus and Kairi begun to walk over to the two. Naminé stayed at my side in case and made sure I was okay before pulling me to the car.

I stared out the window as we drove to the graveyard which was at the other end of town and took at least an hour to get there (Twilight Town is a big city).

Naminé tried to get me to talk but I only shoved my shoulder in front of her and ignored her and everyone else. I knew they all were feeling bad because I was ignoring them but they did want to disturb me.

_I moved my body into a more comfortable position while letting La continuously kiss my hand. With every kiss I had laughed or giggled or even whimpered. Honestly I didn't want it to stop but he had begun to lick my fingers._

"_Heh, Lea…" I giggled. "Stop that tickles,"_

_I looked up and saw Lea only smirk before he begun to suck on my fingers. Once in a while he would nibble the ends of them. I laughed and then turned my body over making the hammock sway side to side a bit, but as soon as I had I had regretted it._

_Lea thrust his hips upward and moved his hands to my butt. At first I had thought it was going too far but in a way I wanted this to happen. In response to his action I moaned and grabbed his shoulder with my one free hand._

"_You want me to stop?" Lea whispered, taking my fingers out of his mouth. I opened my eyes weakly and looked into his piercing green ones. Damn were they full of lust, they were erotic. It made me feel as though I was a mouse in a trap. It was almost seductive as a snake would be._

"_Can we just kiss instead?" I blushed and looked away in embarrassment. "My mom and dad may be asleep but they're weak sleepers and can hear almost anything including my moans."_

_The redhead rolled his eyes then grabbed my chin with his thumb and index fingers making me look at him. "Of course," Lea leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "my princess."_

_I gasped at his last words. Princess…my new nickname…is princess? Oh Lea, how cheap can you get._

_Lea leaned back and pulled my lips to his. I was a bit surprised at first but shut my eyes and begun to relax. I gripped his shoulders and pushed myself closer to him making our bodies heat collides causing the temperature around us to begin to rise._

_Lea suddenly pulled back and licked my lips. "You look so cute in this position." His eyes were full of desire and they were now holding me in a trance that I couldn't escape. _

_My cheeks grew redder until they were the color of Lea's hair. "You make me feel like a girl," I squeaked trying to change my voice back to its male voice._

"Here we are," Riku said as we came to a stop. I opened my eyes and looked in front of me to see the graveyard: the placed I had dreamt I would never go to unless it was my own funeral.

"Roxas, you ready?" Naminé asked leaning forward and gently touching my shoulder. I looked at her plastic blue eyes and nodded uneasily. I wasn't at all ready. I don't know why but I had this gut feeling that something bad, no _something_ was going to happen.

I waited for everyone to get out before slowly and quietly walking out, but I stopped once I was in the door still sitting on the seat with my lower body hanging outside. I tried hard not to think about what was going to happen and I tried hard not to think about the past. But there was one thing that was stopping me, _his laugh._

The laugh that always made me smile made me rethink the wrong things, the laugh that made me feel as though someone did care. That someone that would keep me happy and make sure that even in the roughest of times the shine would still be shining. The someone that showed me that even if the heaviest and darkest of clouds were covering the sky, somewhere in the world the sun was shining as bright as always and would never go away.

"Come on Roxas," Naminé stretched out a hand when she saw how sad I had looked and how lost in my thoughts I was.

When I looked up I saw everyone, even Kairi, smiling. Almost as though they knew I was having a hard time. Kairi looked at me as though she was saying, "It's alright, and I think it's good that you're coming here."

"Sorry…" I mumbled giving a weak smile to the others. Everyone's smile enlightened even more when I spoke making my weak smile turn into a real one.

I stepped down from the truck and stayed by both Naminé and Ventus as we looked over the horizon which was consumed in arranged columns of graves. The sunset in front of them caused shadows to overtake most of the graves and hid the names that were carved into them making it seem as though the place was abandoned.

"Kairi, do you remember where Lea's grave was?" Ven asked the redhead.

Kairi nodded and stepped ahead of the group taking the lead. If was surprising seeing how I hadn't remembered where Lea's final resting place was at but then again I hadn't really wanted to remember. It gave me the feeling that if I was to remember where it was I would one day sleepwalk to it and end up staying there till I'm ready to join him.

Naminé held my hand nervously afraid that I might trip seeing how I continued to stare at my feet so I didn't get where Lea's grave was memorized. Naminé's hand had been soft and caring and it seemed as though she wouldn't be letting go anytime soon. Yes I know what I said before, I wasn't that big of a fan of Mother Naminé, but honestly, now that I think about it when she is like this it makes me feel just as secure as I was back when Lea was here.

"Here it is," I heard Kairi take in a large breath and exhale that breath as she talked. She obviously wasn't sure about coming here but she also gave a warning that she was glad she was here. "Roxas,"

I looked up and saw her turning to me. "I know you have a lot to say and all but I think today you can go last to have some time to think about all this." The redhead bent down forward and bit and put hand on my shoulder letting her eight silver bracelets create a rattling noise in the silence. "You understand, right?"

I smiled at her in thanks and nodded. "Of course you all take as much time as you need." I said trying to get them to not set their sympathetic looks on me.

Naminé and Kairi both gave a small giggle then lead me to a bench that was set not that far away. My eyes had started to wonder in different directions then I began to read the names on the graves that we past.

'_Braig Edward, Dilan Luis, Even Thompson, IenzoThompson.' _Who are these people?

I sat on the bench and watched the other but I kept looking over to the graves behind and around me. I tried to tell myself to not look at them and to not try and memories the names on them but somehow both my mind and eyes refused and continued to look at the graves.

I had remembered the first time I came to the graveyard and I was somewhat the same but instead I hid my head in Kairi, Sora, or Ventus' shoulder to make sure I hadn't looked at the graves. The second year was easier sense I had covered my face with my hood and stayed scrunched up in a ball against one of the dead trees.

But now I had no jacket, everyone was talking to Lea, and I was all alone with the unseen bodies with no souls. Goosebumps had run up and down my body wildly with every grave spotted in sight. The names of unknown people continuously planted themselves into my mind until I saw Lea's. At that moment I mentally screamed and hid my face in my knees while pulled my legs up against my chest.

I had hoped that none of the others had noticed and dug my nails into my legs nervously. When I heard no footsteps coming to me I again mentally sighed in relief then relaxed as much as I could but it didn't last long till I heard faint sobs come from the group huddled around Lea's grave.

I looked up to see Kairi sitting in front of the tomb on her knees with tears streaming down her face like a river and a fake yet weak smile placed on her light pink lips. Her blue eyes were dimmer then before and were now filled with the watery tears that were being held back. I was all that surprised she had started to cry seeing how Lea is her brother, but then again she was handling it better than I was and was at least giving a small smile.

"I wish you could see how much I've grown and how strong I've gotten sense you left…." Kairi said hysterically with a few stutters in between. In a way I wanted to block out her cries but I knew it would seem rude, even if she didn't notice.

"I especially wish I had protected you from Reno when I had the chance, but I know you'd say I was still too young to understand entirely." She continued. "But I wasn't as weak as you think, I could have done something to help you…but didn't."

I looked away when I heard her say those words and sighed sadly. No, I didn't want to repeat what she said but it was true: I could have protected him but didn't and only stood on the sidelines like a puppet. If there was a word for me it would be worthless, untrusting…_unforgivable_. Many times I reminded myself how I could have helped and how I could have saved him…but none seemed to come true.

"_Caw! Caw!" _

I froze when I heard a crow and hoped the thing wasn't ka'ing at me. I wanted to look up badly but a scary gut feeling caused me to stay still. I lifted my head up a bit in fear then bit my lip. I didn't know why I'm afraid of a bird, I never was. But something about this bird's crow was…devilish.

"_Caw! Caw!"_ The bird repeated.

I nervously shook and bit my lip harder to where it was almost bleeding. My eyes tried to shut but wouldn't and only widened even more as the ka'ing continued to where it was now digging its own tone into my memory.

Finally I gained the courage to look up and find the bird. At first I found no luck and the place looked like it's usual self- lifeless and dead. Until one final caw came then the bird was in sight. The black raven had sat above me on one of the branches with it large black eyes staring at me.

The sight of its eye made me mentally scream and drop dead but on the outside I only leaned away in fear and nervousness. The bird's feathers where a perfect black and had not one touch of brown or red or any other color- only black. The bird seemed to send an uneven aurora to me and made more and more rays of goose bumps to run up and down my body.

"_Caw!" _ The bird gave me one final screech before flapping its wings and setting off the other direction. I watched as the bird left but my from the corner of my eye I saw one of its majestic black feathers fall beside me.

I looked down slowly at the feather before picking it up and gently caressing it. Originally I loved to find and collect feathers but this one was so different from the others. Lea was the one who had given me a raven's feather and I could perfectly remember the way it felt, the way it glowed in the sunset light. But this one-the one I was holding- it was not a regular raven feather. This feather was long, it didn't even let the light touch it, and it was a bit rougher than an original.

"Roxas…" I looked up to see Ventus standing in front of me with tears dripping down his face, his hand rubbing the other arms elbow, and a unforgettable face that almost stabbed through my chest like a sword.

Ven obviously was getting back the memories of Lea when the two where young and wasn't exactly accepting them. He and Lea had been best friend's sense 4th grade when a bully named, Seifer tried to beat up Ven and Lea protected him. It was a bit of a cliché moment when they met but even I thought the time was sweet.

I looked away slightly feeling bad for him before standing up and hugging him. Ven wrapped his arms undermine and held onto my shoulders while hiding his face in my shoulder. I hated to see Ven like this but I guess this is what it's like when I'm feeling bad. It hurts.

"Ven…" I whispered trying to get him to calm down between his whines and gasps. "…please don't cry…I hate to see you like this."

Ven sniffled and gripped the back of my shirt. "I-I know…" He cried. "I-It's just…I miss him!" His voice was loud and mumbled, almost not possible to understand, but it still struck my chest like a bullet through paper.

I looked over to see if I could manage to set Ven down to sit down on the bench and moved him to my side so he had still been hugging me. It wasn't that difficult once I did but I he made a whining noise as though he was uncomfortable.

~xXx~

"Alright Roxas," Naminé walked over to me and leaned down to look at my face that had been kept low so I didn't have to see the others crying or see them in their misery state. "It's your turn."

My head slowly lifted to Naminé but what I saw made me wasn't to cry. Naminé usually was smiling and trying to cheer me up- but this time she wasn't smiling nor was she giving me the look of sympathy. This look was a mix of sadness and hurt, in fact a fake smile was visibly seen.

I sighed at the looked and stood up slowly, trying not to tense myself even more. "I'm ready…" I whispered. Everyone had looked at me in surprise sense last time I had spoken to Lea I didn't even look up till everyone was giving words of wisdom but now I was ready.

Naminé's weak smile continued to show as I walked past everyone nervously. I kept my hands to my chest and my head low while I walked down the dirt path between the graves I pasted. I looked side to side at them in fear that the closer I got to Lea's grave a body would come and pay me for my sin. The nightmarish visions scared my mind making me shaking even more then I already was.

"_You're worthless," "Why didn't you help him?" "Why won't you apologize," "Why won't you pay for what you have done?" _The graves continuously said. I cried for them to stop but they wouldn't and continued to drop weights on me making my pace slow. The more and more insults came at me the more and more I wanted to drop to the floor and cry or even drop dead along with the ones around me.

"_You were never meant to exist." _ I froze at the cruel cold words. My heart stopped, my brain had gone dead, and my thoughts where shattered. The voice that I heard was heartless, brutal, and unforgiving. But I knew… they were right. I never was meant to exist.

'I bet if I had never meat Lea,' I thought. 'He would have never left, he wouldn't worry so much about me and would still be here, keeping that forsaken promise he had made.'

"_That's not true!" _I gasped when I heard an unmistakable voice. My heart began to beat again and everything had returned to its original self. The voice was Lea's but it was a bit lower pitch. My legs began to move again and I started to slowly stumble over to Lea's grave.

Yes, I was confused but I didn't even know how to put the words together on how confused I was. I knew that the voice was Lea's but how is it possible that I was able to hear his voice when he's not even here? Was it his spirit that had heard me…or was it someone else?

I stopped when the name '_Lea Hunter,' _came up on the large stone in front of me. I looked at it carefully then bent forward to examine the final resting place up close. I remember the first time I had seen this place but it was all a fuzzy scene seeing how I had been crying the entire time.

"Lea…" I whispered before gently caressing his name as though it was his face. Even though I knew it wasn't I could still see his face, his eyes, his soft warm lips, everything. It was all there, staring at me with those caring beautiful eyes.

"Wow…I don't even know what to say." I whispered giving a weak laugh. "Everything has changed…I've become more of an outsider, Naminé has become more of a mother than ever and Ven had started to date Terra."

Naminé and the others watched me as I talked and made sure nothing bad was to happen. I guess they had seen me laugh a bit seeing how they all smiled and begun to talk among their selves.

"Everyone misses you…especially Kairi. In fact, Kairi was able to get Reno out of the house today so you didn't have to worry." I knew it wasn't really a great idea to bring up _him_ but right now my mind wasn't even trying to focus on past. It was only trying to focus on the voice I had heard before, and on what I was feeling right now.

I sadly looked away and shut my eyes. Lea's laugh echoed through my head and made an unforgettable ring and placed itself on my mind. I tried to push it away but he continued to talk to me and laugh with me.

"Lea…." I whispered again. "I wish I had been there for you. I know it was a self-choice for you to leave but….I wish I was the one who had come to save you and get you away from Reno so you wouldn't have to live in fear anymore…."

At that moment I lost my train of thought, I didn't want to continue nor did I have the have the strength to. Many things where wanted to be said but they wouldn't come out nor would they place themselves on my tongue for me to think about them.

"…I miss you…" I whispered noticing those weren't my words, but I said them. Once I heard the beginning of those words I knew the next once instantly. "I love you…"

Eventually I noticed a small tear roll off my chin and land in the grass below but what I didn't see is that when it did that spot's grass grew slightly darker in a more beautiful green. I was too sad and too confused to see it till it was gone and had become its regular green color.

I whipped away at my eyes and pulled my legs to my chest while hiding my face in my knees. "There are so many things I regret so many things I want to apologize for… but don't know how."

Another tear escaped my eye and turned my jeans into a dark color. I never thought that this year I was going to cry as well but this was the time I got to release my feeling and give out my deepest of thoughts to a place where no one would hear and no one would tell anyone.

"So I guess…" I paused slightly and took in one long breath, "I'm sorry…"

I heard everyone step up behind and decided that was all I need to say. Although I had many other things to say I couldn't say them nor would they aren't important.

"Let's go…" Ventus leaned down beside me and touched my shoulder. I looked over to my twin and stared at his perfect blue eyes that glowed with proudness and his golden hair that was side pointed swayed in the unnoticeable wind.

I nodded at him and gave them all a fake smile that I had hoped they wouldn't notice. I looked over at everyone and saw they were all happy for me, all but Riku. He looked at me as though I had said all I had to the wrong person. I know it's a bit hard to tell how a person feels and what they are thinking about but I had seen that look many times before and knew what it meant.

I stood up trying to ignore Riku's questioning look and looked at the muted colors of the sunset dying around me. Now that everything had been said and done everything could ease down again. And now I wouldn't have to worry as much as I was.

"Let's go home, it's getting late." Sora smiled stepping to my other side.

I nodded to Sora and began to walk to the truck. But what none of us, not even I, saw was a the black feather I once had was blown onto Lea's grave and slowly faded into a eternal fire.


End file.
